Having roommates is definitely a new experience for Chelsea and me. Alex grew up in our household, so having him as a quasi-roommate was pretty straightforward. We’ve known him his whole life, and we had worked out the issues of living together. Besides, he’s close family.
It’s been a new look at life to awaken to sticky spills on the kitchen floor from a roommate’s midnight raid on the kitchen, find food debris left strewn across the kitchen table after meal preparation, hear a dog barking and whining during the night at who knows what, be awakened at any hour of the night or early morning by a roommate coming in from wherever, and watch our carefully planned food supplies disappear precipitously with the advent of a new roommate.
On the upside, we have had access to a car often; we have a steady supply of coffee (from Tyler); there’s someone to share the small details of daily life; many nights are uninterrupted; the food spills aren’t every day; and there’s often a sense of community.
Tyler’s been with us since February. We’ve been sharing the ups and downs of his life since then – too slow at work or not enough hours at work; his dance studio adventure; the process of applying for college locally; and now, car repair, daily school, and work.
He’s also just bought a fixer-upper motorcycle – he’s been wanting one forever – so we are watching that whole process unfold. Used fenders he bought from someone on Craigslist and will have to learn how to install himself; learning how to clean carburetors and ordering the parts; fixing the wiring; getting a new battery; ordering a new front tire and getting it installed; the list goes on – we’ve been impressed with his steady commitment.
Tyler went back home to Boston for ten days in early July, but when he returned, work was deathly slow. Within a day of being home he’d decided to take Terry and head back to Boston for a month working with his uncle doing roofing. Work was guaranteed, and he’d make a lot more money there than here.
Sure enough, he’d been home only four days when he flew back up to Boston, leaving his car with us (we loved that part!).
Meanwhile, Chelsea and I decided to use Tyler’s absence as a perfect time to go through another major round of downsizing. Many if not most of our boxes were in his closet, so having him gone gave us the freedom to work all hours. We loved the alone time.
Then Alex broke the news that he’d be moving in with Amanda and her roommate, and Amanda’s brother, in mid August. They’d agreed to share a large four-bedroom house they’d found about ten miles north. Moving day was long and miserable for all involved. Chelsea and I spent much of the prior week getting Alex organized and packed, so come moving day we were completely ready for a totally easy and quick move. The others weren’t so organized; there was a breakdown in getting a truck so we didn’t have one till mid-afternoon; the heat and humidity were blistering; rain threatened all afternoon; and three households had to be moved. It was tough.
The good news is that it’s a beautiful house with lots of space, and has all the amenities, including a pool in the back yard, and they are gradually settling in.
We miss Alex tremendously. He’s lived with us his whole life, and just having him gone is enough of a shock, but we also love him tremendously. He’s so funny, does so many small thoughtful things for us, and is so full of life and energy. I was teary for several weeks, and though the tearful immediacy has (mostly) faded, I still miss him like mad.
Chelsea and I have been sharing a small tent and various small living accommodations for several years now, with pretty close to zero alone time, so we decided to have Chelsea move her desk into Alex’s old room so we’d both have some separate quiet space. We’re also using the room as storage for all the boxes that still are being downsized – the ones that need action before they can disappear.
We’d just gotten settled in to our new system when an old friend of Chelsea’s texted her and asked if we’d be able to take him in immediately. He’d been caring for his dad, but the situation changed suddenly; he’s looking for work in the area; and he’s volunteering at a community organization in Lake Worth. Since he’s been such a long-term friend, and since so many people have extended helping hands to us along the way, we said yes.
The addition of one more person in our home greatly reduced our alone time, meant that Chelsea no longer had “alone space”, meant that we could no longer access the items in that room quickly and easily, and required the adaptation to still another completely different approach to life. In particular, our new roommate had a very different approach to food and household consumables than we do – it seems his approach is that if it’s in the cupboard it’s his to use.
We’ve never had that approach, even with Alex. It’s always been clear what is whose, and we never touch anything of anyone else’s without clear permission in advance, or without being able to replace it instantly. We’ve continued that with Tyler, and it’s worked out really well. It was a big surprise therefore to watch our soy milk go down in two hours, watch Tyler’s gallon of milk disappear, watch Tyler’s honey disappear almost overnight, watch a month’s worth of our low-glycemic Blue Agave sweetener go down in a day, and have a week’s worth of coffee disappear in a day.
Tyler assured me it’s common among his age group, but we aren’t used to it, and we don’t have the budget or easy access to stores to deal with replacing the food. After a few days of this, Chelsea told her friend he’d need to head to the store to get his own coffee, milk, sweetener and anything else he needed.
Her buddy immediately did a big shopping – ensuring himself of sufficient coffee, milk, and sugar for starters (which was good). He also bought an amazing number of veggies and other perishable items which he didn’t touch for nearly a week. I finally told him I’d eat them if he’s not, since I hate to see such a waste; he assured me he bought them for anyone who needs them. It’s just a totally different approach, and one we needed to fine tune in order to make this work.
I finally sat down with our new roommate one Sunday afternoon and talked about our different approaches. I told him that our basic rule is that if you didn’t buy it, don’t touch it without asking first.
The difference in our approaches to food and personal consumables aside, the new roommate is very friendly and bright and is only a few classes shy of getting his bachelor’s degree in English and comparative literature. It’s wonderful talking to him – he’s very quick and very articulate. Right now he’s got a lot on his mind, and is pretty serious most of the time, but when he’s relaxed he laughs easily, and has a quick sense of humor. He’s almost stealthy-quiet around the house.
He’s also got a close friend who spent several days a week at the house. One day our roommate’s friend offered to clean the floors – he tells us he loves to clean! I’m not about to turn down an offer like that, so I handed over the broom and mop immediately. In short order our floors were cleaner than they’ve been for some time.
Our new roommate’s “loves-to-clean” friend is a talented musician and singer, currently teaching a few private clients in voice. He had a part in a recent local production of a musical, and is looking for more students in piano and voice. He’d love a few gigs playing the piano professionally. We’re excited about his offer to teach us to sing; Chelsea and I both hope it comes to fruition.
Chelsea’s friend has years of experience in cleaning pools, so he did the maintenance on the pool several times. He scrubbed the black algae, cleaned the filter, and cleaned the leaves out. We appreciated the help.
All in all having roommates has been a big learning experience. Though there are many downsides, there’s also laughter and sharing, and a sense of having someone to ask if help is needed.
The impact of another person in the house did take its toll on us. After a three-week trial period with our second roommate, Chelsea and I realized that we do need to stick to just one roommate. I will be writing many hours a day and interruptions completely break my train of thought, making everything harder. Chelsea needs the space to spread out and finish off our downsizing projects, and needs space to work when she starts doing website work or data entry projects. We reluctantly had to tell him that we needed the space and he’d have to relocate.
Sunday was his last day; we spent the day packing his things, cleaning the bathroom and bedroom, and moving Chelsea’s desk back in. For the foreseeable future it’ll be back to Tyler, Chelsea and me.